Did you know that wholeness is a journey, not a destination? (I highly recommend reading the book, “Wholeness” by Toure Roberts!). I always hear about the importance of being whole but I can admit that I have struggled with the meaning. I can’t say how many times I have heard, “You have to whole on your own. No one can complete you so if you get into a relationship, both of you have to come into it as two wholes.” In knowing this and trying to understanding this, I’ve questioned what being whole and healthy actually looks like.
I’ve thought to myself, “Okay, I feel like I would consider myself whole but I still have my moments of insecurity.” Like would I be lying? Is wholeness something that we balance? Is it even attainable? Can you even call yourself ‘whole’ while still feeling insecure from time to time? My bro and I got into a conversation about this and per usual, he had something profound to say😭—
Here’s what he said and I agree—“Wholeness is learning how to manage your insecurities. It’s not that they completely disappear because we all have them at times. And it doesn’t even mean that you won’t be in your head. It just means that your insecurities are not fueling you to make irrational decisions.” With this, I began to have clarity—” It’s not that wholeness means you have this moment where you are completely insecure free to never deal with them again. It means that in your journey, you have picked up tools on how to deal with those insecurities as they pop up.
So no sis, YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD when you say that you are walking in your wholeness while still having an insecurity or two. Let me repeat, you are NOT a fraud for saying you are whole while still having an insecurity. Now of course—over time, the amount and frequency of your insecurities should decrease but this is why wholeness is considered a journey. It’s why God calls it a sanctification process. To be whole means that you are the highest and healthiest version of yourself. This version of yourself looks different in each season. We never “arrive", we just "evolve." There is constant inner work that we have to go through. But with God’s help, we just keep on growing and healing from those deeply rooted insecurities one by one. And guess what?! It’s our insecurities that keep us close to God.
There may come a time where we think that we aren’t enough but God always reminds us that we are enough with Him. That’s why the only person we can turn to is Him. Truth is, we aren’t “good” enough on our own to match HIS definition of "good". And the beautiful thing is that God doesn’t require that from us. He lets us know that we are good enough because HE said so. There’s no need to prove it. No one else can validate or confirm it. And no one else can dispute it. We are good enough because He said it. Period. That has to be enough for us.
And sis, I believe that the reason that God encourages progression and not perfection is that he knows we will have those “weak spots or weak areas.” But even with our weaknesses, he works with us as we grow to act more and more like Him. Get this—-God never told us that we would BE him, he just let us know that we can become more and more LIKE Him.
So in our journeys of wholeness, we learn to have the necessary tools to deal with the insecurities as they come. Because BOY do they come?? And honestly, I don’t believe there is a single person in this world that can honestly say they have zero insecurities or fears across ALL areas of their life. So, sis, you aren’t alone in that. (If you know someone out there with zero insecurities, point them in my direction because I want to meet them and get some insight lol.) I’m learning that maybe the reason no one is insecure free is so that we are dependent on someone higher than us at all times—-Christ! (2 Corinthians 12:10)
Just keep at becoming the best version of yourself. And don't compare it to anyone else. Wholeness looks different on each of us so remove the pressure to be a certain way and to always have it together. Remove the pressure to be fully confident in yourself at ALL times. Don’t get me wrong, carry yourself with confidence but understand that it’s okay to have those moments where you don’t feel 100% confident and secure. It's normal. Lean into God first during those times, not other people. The trick is to not let people be the source of your confidence because if this happens, they can easily drop the ball. I love the quote, “If we live by people’s opinion, then we will die by their criticism.” Don’t let that be you, sis. Remember that God is there with you to affirm you and validate you along the way. I’ll tell you what God reminded Moses...He is whoever you need Him to be at any moment of your life. (Exodus 3:14)
So cheers to our journeys of wholeness! With God, we got it on lock👏🏾