Sis, have you ever found yourself thinking about a dream or goal over and over and over? Like, you may not say it but if you look back and count how much you’ve prayed over it and thought about it…you can’t even keep track. Or a better way to ask is, have you ever wanted something so bad that if God never gave it to you, you would low-key be mad about it? Been there. And in fact, I still find myself there at times. If this is you, you are not alone.
God has been dealing with me about this topic for the past couple of years. In this process, he's been showing me that we cannot want his "hand" aka what he can do for us more than we want to know Him and his heart. If you’ve been reading this blog for some time, you may be aware of my journey to medical school. (Updates coming soon!). It’s been a LONGG road. I first prayed about pursuing medical school back in 2012. I’m confident that medical school is something that I not only want to do but more than that, I know it’s part of my purpose. The thing is, the journey has taken FAR longer than I expected. If it were up to me, I would have been in medical school by 2018. But a lifetime word is that God’s plans are almost ALWAYS different than our own and His timeline almost always plays out differently than our timeline.
What I want to focus on in this blog post is the MINDSET during the journey. The honest truth is, getting into medical school has become a laser focus of mine. It’s what I’ve been working towards these past 5 years. When you pour so much time, energy, and effort into something, why wouldn’t it be a huge priority? You may not be going to medical school but there may be something in your life that you have been praying about for YEARS. Maybe it’s that dream home, that child you’ve been praying for, dream job/career, etc….You feel like God hasn’t come through for you yet and you feel frustrated.
I was talking to someone about my medical school dream and he said something so simple but it clicked for me. He said, “Maybe the issue is that you’re obsessing over it. STOP obsessing over it and let God do it.” It’s a simple statement but it has freed me. I had to be honest with myself and ask, "If I never got into medical school, would I have some resentment towards God?" For you, it’s a different blank to fill, “If I never got _______, would I be angry at God?” My truest answer was yes at one point in time. I would get upset at God, like, why would you allow this to happen? Why did so much time have to pass? Maybe you find yourself asking the same questions.
But can I say something to encourage you, sis?——Our desires can be God-given. There are desires that God literally places inside of us. He wants them for us just as much as we want them for ourselves. If God showed it to you, there is no need to be concerned about “IF” he will do it. It is only a matter of “when.” If God confirmed that something will happen in your life, IT WILL HAPPEN. Even if it has been YEARS. Even if you think you've blown it. Even if you have suffered a loss in that same area.
I am learning that sometimes to GET the dream, we have to GIVE up the dream. Sometimes, we have to get to the place where we give up the obsession of wanting it to happen before it can REALLY happen. I’ve had to learn that God wants us to get to a place where we finally want Him more than we want what we are praying for. To the average person, that may sound crazy but God really does value priorities.
Here's something that God made so clear to me. He let me know, "I won’t give you anything that as soon as you get it, you act like you don't need me anymore." Sis, I honestly felt a lump in my throat as I heard this. I was like, "Wow, He really doesn't like to compete. " At first, I thought, that sounds so "selfish" but then I thought about this--"God doesn't owe me anything, so why do I feel so entitled?" To top it off, I knew that in the past when I got what I prayed for, I became more distant from God. I would stop praying because I no longer needed that thing from God anymore. My heart wasn't in the right place. With God's grace, He checks us with love and allows us to get it right.
I’m also finding just how strategic and intentional God is when it comes to our dreams. He tends to answer our prayers in a way that ONLY he knows how. He finds a way to come through so that ONLY HE can get the credit. And if we're honest---if we could answer our own prayers, we wouldn’t need God. I'm also finding that God often takes us on harder journeys to remind us that we need Him. And to remind us that we can’t really sustain anything without Him.
If I have learned anything about my relationship with God so far—I have learned that It’s a dependent relationship. So anything that will allow us to feel independent from him, he won’t give it to us. Honestly, if I got into medical school right away, my relationship with God would not be the same… Hear me out. I can say without a doubt that my relationship with God has grown because my faith has had to grow in this waiting time. I’ve had to trust God like never before. I’ve had to lean on God like never before through all the setbacks, frustrations, and disappointments.
But you know what sis, God is so good that he has reminded me along the way that He is still in this. God is STILL in your situation. If you get nothing else from this post, get this—No matter how long you have been waiting, God is STILL with you. There’s no need to obsess over that thing anymore because God’s got you, sis. It’s why we often hear of love stories where people say, “He/she came when I wasn’t even looking.” It’s not that the desire to be in a relationship ever went away. I think it's because once the focus/obsession changes, our vibe becomes lighter, God sees it's no longer an "idol", and now there's room for it to happen.
I believe that’s exactly what God wants for us when it comes to what we pray for. It’s okay to have a desire but when it turns into an obsession, that is when it becomes an issue. This is where I’ve had to unpack. I have had to check my motives and ask myself, “Why do I want this dream so bad? Do I think I’ll be happier? Do I believe I will feel more important?”
Self-reflective questions like these lead to a perspective shift. It’s amazing how much clearer we can see when our perspective shifts. I'll end with this quote--"Do you know why you have a dream in your life? It is because God planted that dream in your heart and he trusts that you are the best person to fulfill that dream." Sis, God trusts you with that dream of yours. Keep going. It will come true.
P.S. God often gives us dreams that are a "size too big" so that we grow into them and become dependent on Him.