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Have you ever felt like you made the wrong move? Like you thought you heard from God but you heard wrong? Maybe you made a decision that you thought would lead to an opportunity or a door open, and you found that it did more harm than good? Maybe you just want to “do-over” from a past mistake you made?
This blog is for the person who may have made the wrong choice or gone down the “wrong road” and you have found yourself full of regret. I’m not just talking about the kind of regret that cripples you from moving forward but also the kind where you still think about a decision you made and wish you could have done things differently. If this is you, I want to let you know that— “Nothing. Absolutely nothing has been wasted in your life.” Even if your wrong choice led to a detour in your life, God will use that because You may have surprised “you” but you DID NOT surprise God. God knew what would go down, how it would go down, and your reaction to it. None of that caught God off guard.
Could it be you that you had to go through what you went through to be who you are now? Think about it, whether we know it or not, God uses our experiences to shape us. You may have heard me say this over and over in previous blogs but you MUST know that God doesn’t cause the tough situations in our life but he will use them. God factored it ALL in. He factored in our stupidity, our ignorance, our mistakes, other people’s choices that affect us, and anything else you can think of.
Sis, I want to reiterate—“NOTHING that you have been through has been or will ever be wasted. Not one tear. Not one traumatic experience. Not one mistake.” NOTHING. Perhaps, I am repeating this phrase not just for you but for myself as well. This was one of the hardest things for me to digest. I thought that my mistakes messed with what God could do in my life. I had this thought that since I screwed up “Plan A,” God moved me to “Plan B”. In my head, this plan was good but maybe not as great as the one before because God thought less of me. Not true. Do you know that God gives PURPOSE to our mistakes? In giving us free will or free choice, he knows we will make mistakes. God has a detailed plan that includes every aspect of our lives, including our choices. He can bring the GOOD out of our mistakes.
You may be thinking, “But what if I made a decision that I knew was wrong? I wish I could take it back but there are no do-overs. I’m trying to “get over” my past but I just can't seem to shake it.” If this is you, I want to say that I may not know exactly what you went through BUT I can give you a few things that have helped me in dealing with my own regrets. Healing is a process. It takes time to heal from your regrets.
How to Heal from your past regrets:
#1 Know that what you are feeling is NORMAL
To be human is to have regrets because making mistakes is a universal experience.” You aren’t the only one making mistakes out here. We have a real enemy out here who likes to isolate us and trick us into thinking that you are not the only one. You are not. Even those who appear to “have it all together” or even those that you feel were handed “better stack of cards” when it comes to life. No one is immune from mistakes and so no one is immune from having regrets.
#2: It is okay to admit that you made a mistake
It does not feel good but it is important to be honest with ourselves and with God. That is what repentance is about. I heard this word as a little girl in church and it seemed so intimidating and judgemental. I now know, it simply means to “acknowledge when you’re wrong and to make a decision to do things differently next time.” (You direct this to God.) The first step of healing is acknowledgement. If you still feel regret from a past decision, ask God to make that mistake work for your good. Realize that God can make anything NEW. You have to let God repurpose your mistakes. It’s the only way he can pull the good out of them.
#3: When you are ready, EMBRACE THE PROCESS OF HEALING and be patient with the journey.
I would never want to tell you to “get over” your regret. I will say that God has a way of healing us to the point where we look at our past from a different perspective. Instead of feeling the “sting” from our poor choice, we will find a lesson to be learned.
I think this is HOW you know you are moving along in your healing journey—You don’t feel that “pit in your stomach” when you think about that situation or the person you may have hurt or the person who hurt you. You get to a point where your past does not “sting” like it once did.
#4: SPEAK TO THE ACCUSER IN YOUR MIND. Recognize that it is time to release.
You have to speak to the accuser in your mind who loves to replay your past mistakes. You know that voice that makes you feel guilty and ashamed of your past decisions. Hear me—That voice is meant to keep you from moving forward, sis. It is telling you that you don’t deserve a future or “good things” because you messed up in your past. Lies!!!
I am sure you have heard of the phrase, “You are not your past mistakes.” What exactly does this mean? It means that you are constantly evolving. You are not the same person who made the mistakes. Once you give your regrets to God, leave it with him. I know it is easier said than done but chances are that if you feel regretful, you have remorse and you wish you could have done things differently. That is the kind of heart God is looking for. Do not let that voice in your head kill your efforts and make you blind to the progress you are making in being a better decision maker. If you keep letting that voice talk to you, it will actually hinder your progress, sis. Don’t let it!!
Let God rebuild you from that past mistake. He is not in the punishing business so I don’t think you should punish yourself any further. Yes, our mistakes have consequences, but don’t mistake that for God being mad at you. Use your regrets as a launching board to make better decisions. I want to leave you with this—”If you think you have blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this--You, my sis are NOT that powerful.”
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