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IT AIN'T OVER UNTIL GOD SAYS IT'S OVER.
Y’all I was so excited to brag ABOUT MY God and tell y’all my completed journey of how I went from nursing school to medical school. But I felt led to be transparent about my process while being in the MIDDLE of it. I personally love when someone is authentic and downright real about their journey as they walk it out and NOT just when they get to their desired destination. So I thought why not be that for someone else! We always hear church phrases such as “Wait on God. Trust God. Let God lead you.” But what does that look like? I am learning that in this current season. Can I be transparent by saying this journey has been filled with tears, disappointments, and yet so much beauty? But ABOVE all, it has been a season of tremendous GROWTH. As difficult as it has been, I would not trade anything because it is my story.
The Beginning
Ever since I can remember, I ran around telling my family that I would be a pediatrician when I grew up. Yet, I buried that dream based on my own insecurities and found interest in the amazing field of nursing after attending a University of Michigan summer medical program while still in high school. Eventually, I found myself in nursing school in Fall 2011. About halfway through nursing school, I felt courageous to step out and switch to pre-med but my parents encouraged me to finish what I started and to keep going in nursing. I was discouraged but I took my med school desires to God. I got to know God personally in college so I was trying to let God lead me. This was new for me since I like being in control. But I have learned that I CANNOT BE A CONTROL freak and trust God at the same time. After praying about my purpose, God gave me a sense of peace about continuing nursing school while I also prayed about what to do next. SINCE God is SOOOOO faithful, I GOT my answer in an extraordinary way.
One day sophomore year, I was on the campus bus after class and I was starving. Y’all I was too ready for lunch. I was trying to decide in my mind where to go eat. “Something” told me to go to Quiznos. I kid you not. Now y’all, I had never been there. I was a Subway girl! In my head, I told myself, “I’m not going.” BUT I KEPT feeling an urge to go to Quiznos. (I now know it was this inner voice a.k.a. the Holy spirit leading and guiding me.). I was like it better be WORTH IT.
I got off at the Palmer Commons stop and dragged myself to Quiznos not knowing why I felt such a strong nudge to go there. I placed my order and stood to the side of the register by the drink machine. In the corner of my left eye, I saw an employee replacing the trash bag. I turned to make eye contact and he began to make small talk with me. I can’t remember exactly how our conversation began or the details since it was 6 years ago but I remember him asking questions such as, “What year are you? What is your major?” I told him I was in my second year of nursing school. He then paused and proceeded to tell me, “I don’t know if you believe in God but God told me to tell you to keep going!” I was like, “Scrrrrrrr. Wait. Rewind that back. Huh??” The guy said, “Keep going. You want to be a pediatrician right??” He then said in so many words that God was with me and ordering my steps but I was STILL tripping over that last sentence.
At that moment, a million thoughts began to flood my mind so everything he said after was A BLUR. How did this man know I wanted to be a doctor? I dropped no hints or indications in our conversation. I did not tell him anything of my dream of going to med school. Y’all. We. Were. Just. Having. Small talk. To this day, I CAN’T even explain what happened. Shoot, it could have been an angel, no lie. I don’t even remember how the conversation ended besides him handing me a napkin with his name and cell number to reach out if I had any questions about what he said. Y’all, I’m pressed because I. LOST. THE. NAPKIN. All this time, that conversation has been PERMANENTLY etched in the back of my mind.
Back to the story---After I grabbed my sub and left, I burst out into tears when I got back to my dorm. Y’all have to know that I had been praying a consistent prayer of direction on what to do with my med school desires for the past couple years. I treasure that Quiznos conversation so much. It has literally pushed me towards purpose along with Philippians 1:6 that says if God starts something, HE MUST finish it. This includes ANYTHING he says, even a promise of purpose. I had been praying about medical school for the past two years and my prayer was answered in a way only GOD COULD DO.
Listen friend, if you pray a prayer to God, KNOW he hears you and he will answer in His perfect timing. It can be frustrating because we live in a “microwave world” where we expect answers immediately. You MAY NOT GET YOUR ANSWER RIGHT AWAY. But if you are unsure of what to do, do what God last told you to do AND then keep praying. My answer took 2 years but your answer could be 2 days away. Stay in expectation. Sometimes we have to wait a little longer because God is up to something. I tell you, he will ALWAYS blow your mind. We can NEVER EVER outdo him. If we make premature moves or get off course, we can delay but NEVER permanently block what God is trying to get to us. We just have to let go and let God.
The Transition
My nursing journey wasn’t a walk in the park. I failed my nursing pediatrics course my junior year. I was devastated. I was and still can be a self-proclaimed overachiever. Y’all, I literally crawled into the fetal position on my dorm room floor and bawled. I was like, “God, I know I am called to be a pediatrician which means I have to go to medical school. BUT GOD, how am I going to make it there if I can’t make it here?? I can’t even pass my nursing pediatrics course. Pediatrics is what I want to do with my life. Ughhhhhhh.” I swear y’all, I was one step from quitting nursing school again until I had a discussion with my parents. Even in the midst of feeling like a failure, I made a decision that I would pick myself up and keep going just like that God-sent reminder at Quiznos told me to do. Later in the year, I took the same course over again and completed it successfully. It wasn’t easy because apart of me felt humiliated and embarrassed because NOW my graduation date was moved from April to December 2015. During that difficult time of repeating the course, I clung to Romans 8:28 that basically says no matter the negative outcome, it that HAS to work out for my good. And when I tell you God came through again, he SURE DID. I will tell that story later!
Fast forward to my pre-med journey. After taking my NCLEX to become a registered nurse, I wasted no time entering into a post-baccalaureate pre-medical program. This was only a year long program that I needed to complete the necessary medical school courses. This program was also preparation for the MCAT (medical school admissions test.) Of course, this step wasn’t any easier. Y’all, I thought it would be a “piece of cake” because I was on track towards my purpose in life. WRONG! I took the MCAT twice. I took it the first time in June 2017 and the second time was in August 2017. For the first time, I had 10 weeks to prepare and the second time, I had 10 days to prepare after being dissatisfied with my first results. I ended up getting a score that I was not satisfied with but by the grace of God, I improved my score by 5 points.
During the medical school entrance process, I applied to 20+ schools but when I say one door open, ONE DOOR opened. The rest were rejection letters. You can imagine on a meter that ranges from discouragement to faith, I was straight up defeated for a moment. I am not going to lie, I had a short pity party. I was like, “I know rejection is apart of process but DANGGGG!!!” But I quickly realized, I could not stay in that mindset. This season has been the hardest season of my life—physically, emotionally, and spiritually! I prepared for my medical school interview season for a good six months. Yet, another twist was waiting for me around the corner. Just before my med school interview day in MARCH 2018, I came down with what I believe was bronchitis because I completely lost my speaking voice! Like I could barely form words and I was coughing until I was blue in the face. Shoutout to my Bronzed2Gold sisters and my close friends/sisters for praying for me because I wasn’t sure if I would have a voice but thank God, it came back just in time (A little raspy but audible!)
Then, I was placed on the medical school’s alternate waitlist. When I was tempted to feel discouraged again, I said, “This will be just another line in my testimony.” I can’t lie I was frustrated at first but I knew God would have HIS WAY regardless. I was like, “No matter the decision, I AM good because MY God is good.” I want y’all to know that my story is still being a written (“To be continued.). I applied to 20+ medical schools for Fall 2018 entry and guess what y’all? I received ONE interview and no acceptance letters. BUT you know what, IT IS OKAY. I am the type of person that believes that EVERY SINGLE thing happens for a reason. Why? Because I truly believe God is in control. I had to make a decision that either I believe Him or not. Either I trust that he is in control or not.
Just because everything has not happened the way I pictured, I cannot let this stop me because I will be applying for medical school again in the near future. And regardless, I know that when I receive my long-awaited acceptance letter, I will truly be able to say “To God be the glory” because He is writing my story the only way He knows how. I am still standing to tell you that the best is yet to come for you! Don’t sleep on God and on what He can do for you. Keep waiting. I am praying that you grab ahold of the peace, direction, and wisdom already made available to you while you wait!!!!
