Table of One for This Single Sista

Loneliness. It is a word that makes the average person cringe on the inside. I have definitely felt the emptiness associated with this word. To be honest, I still do struggle with being alone at times. I know it is so easy these days to feel discontent with being alone because you scroll through your feeds and see everyone boo’ed up. I know I am not the only one. I remember one day about a year ago, I was having a “pity party of one” because I was dissatisfied with my singleness. Interesting enough, I only began to feel this way after logging onto social media. That is the power of seeing posts that ONLY reflect relationship “high” moments. No one is going to post the “behind the scene” difficulties. In the midst of my frustration, I felt God say, “There is a difference between alone and lonely. You are not lonely because I am here. You are only alone temporarily. Now, you can soak in the lies of how you feel or accept this truth.” I felt comforted in that moment. But what happens after when that same feeling creeps up? Even after that moment, I have still felt the struggle from time to time. I have also noticed lately that there is an unspoken stigma associated with being lonely or alone in today’s society.

The other day, I had a conversation with my brother on this very topic. I mentioned to him, “Have you noticed that most people at restaurants, movies, and out and about are in pairs? Especially young people our age. It is so rare to look over and see that one person eating by himself or herself. Or even going to the movie theatre and seeing someone go solo in the row in front of me. Why? Because it is seen as uncomfortable. We may not say it but the look in the eyes of those around them may associate their loneliness as friendless.” He agreed and also said something that resonated with me. He said, “Being alone opens up your perspective. Years ago, I was lonely because I had no friends so it forced me to be comfortable in going places by myself. Now, even though I have friends, there is power in choosing to go places alone. There is a freedom in being alone because you are not limited.” This is so true because how many times have we wanted to go somewhere and we ask a girlfriend to come with us? But, she isn’t free so we just don’t go at all. Sis, I am speaking to you and to myself when I say there ain’t nothing wrong with being alone!! It is okay to go out and explore the environment on our own. I am working on this area myself. My personal mission is to go to a restaurant, movie, and to the mall BY MYSELF. And to not just go, but to enjoy my own company. If you make this a habit, I promise it will seep over into the area of relationships. You would be able to say,  “ Look, I can go to the mall and dinner by myself. What can you add to my life that I cannot do by myself?!” Dope, right? I’m trying to get to this place of assurance. Now, I have redefined the word “alone” and associated it with boldness. We have to detach the thought of “What would people think?” to our decision to NEVER go anywhere alone.

Let’s look at the difference between being alone and lonely. Loneliness is a feeling of sadness that stems from abandonment or lack of company while alone means a single object. Loneliness is this perpetual feeling but being alone is a temporary state. Being alone or single can be a beautiful thing. Sis, this mindset comes when we switch our perspective. If we see being alone as the absence of something, it is no wonder we feel down and low-key angry. The way I counter this feeling is to look at my singleness as a season “to do.” Just like the natural seasons of Summer and Fall are temporary, being single is as well. But I want you to not just let time pass but to truly enjoy it. Get up. Go out. Travel. Do whatever you feel like doing! Do this before you have to consider someone else’s opinion. There is a passage in the Bible–1 Corinthians 7:17 that states “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.” Being single does not define where you are in life. It does not mean you are any less fly than someone in a relationship.

Sis, you and I are in this single season for a reason. Let’s make a vow to live it up. Truth is, we may just not be ready to step into the next season of a relationship. And that is okay because when the time is right, God’s best will enter our lives. But until then, we have to get to a place where we are comfortable enough to get in our car and roll up to our favorite spot to eat, walk up to the hostess, and say with confidence and a smile, “Table for one, please!”