“Sis, I don’t feel Like I am where I am supposed to be in life.”

Have you ever thought to yourself, “My life is not what I thought it would be." Truth be told, I have said this or at least something similar such as “I just feel like I am not doing enough" and "What am I really doing with my life?” If I am not careful, these thoughts can lead me to a dark place. It gets exhausting to say the least because I always end up comparing my life to this picture perfect image in my head. It's a vicious cycle because I go right back to feeling "less than." Our words really are powerful.

Here's the real tea sis---our feelings do not determine the truth. Here me out. The bottom line is that we are afraid we are missing out on the life that we should have. And that is a very real thing. The past two weeks have been really tough for me because I had this same feeling. And here's what I had to do. First, I had to acknowledge my feelings. I literally told God, "Honestly, this sucks. My life looks nothing like how I pictured. I am disappointed." In saying this, I felt so much lighter. Second, I mourned. You may be thinking, "Girl, that sounds so dramatic!" Hear me out. I had to mourn the fact that my plans are no longer working. This is difficult because we pour time, energy, and money into building the life we made for ourselves only to fall short. I had to mourn "what could have been." I shed real tears. Third, I had to give God what I had left, which wasn't much. I told him, "God I have nothing left to give because I have done all that I can do. All I have is my faith." Sis, do you know what God told me? "When all you have is your faith, you are in the most vulnerable position because you have nothing to fall back on but that is also the most powerful position. That is all I ever wanted, your faith. Nothing more."

Settle this in your soul now--purpose takes time to build. Here me when I say this--If we want a legacy that outlast us, it takes time and intentionality to build something like that. This kind of purpose will NOT happen overnight. Nope, not if it’s meaningful and worthwhile. This reality can be difficult to digest, especially since we live in a fast-paced, post-it-to-prove-it kind of world. Let’s be real, we are judged by what we do. We often feel rushed and maybe even pressured to make moves. If any of this sounds like you, I am writing this blog for you. I am writing this blog to encourage anyone who is in the building phase of their purpose. You may be feeling like you have been grinding for some time now with little to show for it. As a result, you aren’t satisfied with where you are at in life.

Listen sis, our building stages are different lengths. Sometimes, we have to operate in what is called delayed gratification. In other words, results will take time to manifest. In my weakest moment, God reminded me that most of the people in the Bible did NOT immediately walk out their purpose. They had their moments of struggle, heartache, and impatience. But God used those moments too. At some point, they got tired of fighting God and allowed Him to set the pace for their life.

Look at Abraham. He was given a promise that did not manifest until his old age. There are many women who struggled with infertility and had to wait years before having their miracle baby (Rachel and Sarah). Christ himself did not start his ministry until he was 33 years old. I say all this because we can often skip past the part that they had to wait YEARS upon YEARS before they saw impact. This is not to say that we will have to wait just as long. But just because we know the ending of their stories, they did not. They did NOT know how long they would have to wait YET they were obedient and faithful behind the scenes. And get this, they STILL had to wait EVEN though they were in God’s will and operating in purpose. Listen sis, we can still be walking in purpose and face delays, detours, and disappointments.

I had to check myself this week because I had to recognize that my purpose/career will involve a lot of delayed gratification. This realization has been difficult for me. There have been plenty of times where I want to trade my purpose in for an “easier” one. There are times when I compare my journey with someone else. I have said, "But God, why didn't they have to wait as long as me?" If we’re being completely honest, “waiting” just isn’t the move, especially in today’s world. We can see everyone’s accomplishments on the ‘gram and assume they have it easy.

I read this quote and it struck me: “Delaying gratification means you have to WAIT. The reward of delayed gratification is not usually felt immediately. Sometimes we wait for a short period of time but most often than not, we may need to wait for a longer period of time.” In other words, some of our paths are going to take an extra dose of faith lol! This is not something that we like to hear because we as humans want immediate gratification. Delayed gratification goes against our nature. We want to see immediate results.

Sometimes, we have to just keep working and making moves behind the scenes. I know that is NOT what you want to hear but seeds don’t grow overnight. You have to keep watering them. The same goes for our lives. Consistency is the key. I just don't want us to STAY frustrated with God when we do not see our hard work manifest immediately. I've been there (just this week lol!) but I realize, why would I stay mad at the One who can help me?

At the end of the day, we can't make it all about “us.” What do I mean by this? By focusing solely on personal gain, we could make our goals only to accomplish them and find out that we STILL feel empty. Our best bet IS God. When we do what we were made to do, leaving a legacy and being fulfilled is inevitable. It comes down to 2 options—We can either choose the delayed gratification route connected to God’s purpose or live in regret by making premature moves that God has not cosigned.

So sis, if you feel "behind" in your life—the issue is most likely comparison. I want to ask you a list of questions that I have to regularly ask myself. Who told you that you were behind in life? Who told you where you were “supposed to be?” What does that even look like? Truthfully, we probably have no idea where we are “supposed to be” because only God can answer that. A better phrase would be that we are not where we “want to be.”

I know I had a list of ideas and goals of where I saw myself. College grad by 21. Married by 25. Established in my career by 30. And then there is my reality. College grad by 22. Single at 26. And med school prospect at 26 with an 8-10 year journey ahead. I found that when I compared those goals with my reality, I got upset and dissatisfied about where I was in life. I STILL have my moments but then I ask myself—Would I rather wait on God or wish I had? Who told me that is what my life should look like? What motivated me to create those goals?”

My answer to that last question was time, worry, and comparison. Time told me that I had to have kids by 35. Time also told me that my career needed to be thriving by 30 because well, 30 is too old to be figuring things out. Comparison told me that I had to meet the “love of my life” in college because that is the story of my parents. Worry told me that if I was still single by 25, I would find no one. Looking back, I laugh a little because I realize how "in control" I thought I was. I had my own plans but God was nowhere to be found in them. Sis, God ain’t told me none of that lol! It was all about what I wanted. I came up with those goals on my own because they sounded good. However, those same goals left me worried and downright unhappy when I didn’t meet them. Even to this day, I STILL have to be careful about making my own goals. (See previous blog post)..

Here’s something that has stuck with me—-Purpose usually calls us to rise to a greater level than what we are living. But the healthy way to go about it is to not obsess over the end goal. I KNOW that is easier said than done. Marinate on this. Could it be sis that you are already walking in your purpose and tackling your goals and don’t even know it??? I love the verse, Zechariah 4:10 which talks about not despising small beginnings. This is something that I am ACTIVELY learning. Purpose will ALWAYS be bigger than what we see. It is going to take some faith. I want to let you know that your feelings are valid. It is normal to not feel enough when it comes to our purpose because the truth is, we are NOT meant to do it on our own. Our dreams and goals will NEVER EVER align with our reality. If so, we would never need God. But sis, God is about that co-dependent life!

So even if you feel it, you are not behind, sis. Leave that phrase behind because You are exactly where you need to be. Even if no one else sees you, do not let that deter you. Keep going. Even if you are dragging your feet at this point, KEEP GOING. I pray that God continues to order your steps and decisions. I pray that you are not motivated by social media numbers, flexing for the gram, or the need to prove people wrong. You will no longer let pressure dictate your moves. You will only make faith moves because you understand that faith without works is dead. As your journey progresses, I pray that God shows you “where to go and what to do.” And when the time is right, that hard work WILL pay off. Why? Because you are doing what God told you to do when he told you to do it. When your purpose comes true, you will only be able to give God the credit!

Keep grinding sis!