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If I can be honest, I thought I would “grow out of” my awkward moments. I love Issa Rae’s brand around being the “awkward black girl” because I saw myself in her. I wouldn’t call myself “awkward” but I know I have my moments lol. And always like it but in having a relationship with God, he challenges me to be better and to full accept myself.
Confidence has always been an area that He’s challenged me to grow in. This next part of that journey includes accepting 100% of me. I have accepted most of me but that awkward part of me, I have been hesitant. Now pause. We have to be careful in claiming different personality characteristics because we always evolve. Who we are now is not who we will always be but there are certain things at the core of who we are. This blog post is for the girl who feels like she doesn’t quite “fit in.” I have been there and sometimes I still find myself there.
I wanted to share a piece of a journal entry that I wrote. “I know I have different sides to me. One of them is very analytical and does a ton of overthinking. I overthink on what I should do and say but it can come out as awkward…” Can you relate sis? In that same entry, I went from beating myself up a bit to having an “aha” moment. (Y’all. As you know, I can be very deep.) I wrote, “I should just be and let my thoughts flow. Part of the awkwardness I may be feeling could be in my head. It could be because I am trying to force things—forcing responses and trying to be included in conversations. I think it is me fighting to be seen. Perhaps, it is pressure from myself to portray myself as this “ideal or perfect version” and I am FAR from it. So I have to release that.”
I don’t know if you have had thoughts like these but I shared all of that to say—It is an important trait to have self-awareness but think about accepting ALL of you. Even the parts you would want to change. This whole blog post may sound like a whole cliche but it is true. I think confidence is SO important because everything you do and say is a reflection of your level of confidence. I want you to hear me when I say that God made you on purpose, awkwardness and all.
While God made us a certain way, there are ways that we can grow and improve. Here are some things that can help you to be more comfortable with yourself:
1. Enjoy the moment. Let your thoughts flow.
2. Do not feel pressured to say something or Be like someone else (Check out an older blog post, “Your Voice Matters” where I talk about the perks and beauty of being either an introvert or extrovert.)
3. Know that you are seen. You do not have to force your presence.
4. Just be You. Sounds corny but it should be a reminder that God intentionally crafted EVERY SINGLE piece of you—Every quirk. When I say everything, I mean everything down to your eyebrow LOL!
5. Realize that you have something to say and be okay with saying it.
6. Have fun! Don’t take yourself that seriously.
7. Be okay with pauses in conversations. Sis, you do not have to always fill the silence. Normal conversations have normal breaks and pauses. And that is OKAY.
8. Continue being open to meeting new people. Different people we meet will bring out and pull out different things inside of you. Different people in your life will allow you to see the different “sides” of you. Think about it, you have the friend that “turns up” with you. A friend that you confide in and get advice from. A friend that may be in same field as you so you can chop it up about career goals.
9. It is OKAY to be a little more laid-back or shy. It IS awkward when trying to be “more outgoing” like someone else. Kill the comparison game. That is one game you will NEVER win!
So Own it all. The goal should be to be “unapologetically you.” When I think about my “faves” or my favorite people to be around—all of them have one thing in common. I admire how they carry themselves because they are comfortable in their own skin. They are ALL unapologetically them. And I love them for that. Sis, let’s vow to get to that place!
P.S. I have a playlist called Confidence/Deeply Loved on iTunes. If I can be honest, I felt a little silly making a playlist like this but it has really helped me. I believe every woman should have those go-to songs that boost her confidence when it feels real LOW.
So here are a few of mine:
1. Just Be You by Red Hands***
2. Created (Spoken Word) by Arielle Estoria (DOWNLOAD the whole album. Girl, You will NOT be disappointed!)
3. You Know My Name by Tasha Cobbs
4. Masterpiece by Tori Kelly & Lecrae
5. Flaws by Kierra Sheard
6. I Like Me by Kirk Franklin
7. Lovin’ Me by Jonathan McReynolds
8. Growth by Tobe Nwigwe***
9. Glow Girl by Aha Gazelle
10. Good Enough by Derek Minor***
11. The Way You See Me by James Fortune
***= my favorites
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